What if I chose to be a single mom?

In an article published, “Why So Many Women Are Choosing to Have Children Without A Mate” by Bryna Bates, a former U.S. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders says there is nothing wrong with women deciding to have children without being married.  Being a single Black woman I will admit that I thought about the possibilities of starting a family on my own. I know that there is a lack of available black men but I can’t honestly say that‘s my issue. I have met men; I just haven’t met one I thought was marriage potential. Then my little voice and spirit puts me in check and I realize my thoughts are unwise and I should consider how being single can be a blessing during this period in my life. I know I am not the only single woman who has considered this or felt unhopeful at times. But consider just talking to a single parent and you will realize that choosing to start a family on your own is not only unwise but you are putting your child at a disadvantage. I don’t care what anyone says a child with two parents has a better chance of thriving. In, 1999 45% of African Americans families were maintained by a woman with no spouse present according to the U.S. Census Bureau. I would venture to say 10 years later that number has significantly increased. Yet there is a new trend of women especially educated women choosing to have children and start a family without a husband/mate.  Well, this is some of the realities that churches will have to deal with. The church has to intentionally seek to minister to this group of single women. The worst feeling in the world is to feel like your church has ministries for families, married couples, children, drug addicts etc but when it comes to being single, it’s “hold on, and trust God”.  Likewise to have a class on being single and a married person is teaching, or having a single ministry where everyone is so desperate to be married. How will the church deal with individuals who intentionally decide to have children outside of marriage.  How should the church minister to the needs of singles? Will the church accept women who CHOOSE to have a child outside of marriage? What about women who decide have in-vitro pregnancy?

Intentionally Inclusive

 

Edge: Generally speaking what is the vision of The Shepherds Table?

Pastor Elliot: That is a great question and an awesome place to start…The Shepherd’s Table Covenant Church exists solely to be a Spirit filled, Christ centered liberating place of worship for all people, from all walks of life and all expression of life.  We do this by sharing God’s message of Hope, Heaven and Healing through Jesus Christ.

Edge: Were you commissioned to start this church or ordained?

Pastor Elliot: Commissioned? If you mean commissioned as in the sense of being sent out by a larger church or denomination/organization, No.  This was something that God placed on my heart many years ago even as a teenager.  So through my years of study, schooling and service in the local church and to God I was able to discern the season in my life to be right for what God was saying to do.  As a result of this there was the birthing of The Shepherd’s Table Covenant Church. 

Edge: Who covers you? Do you have a mentor or father in the ministry?

Pastor Elliot: As a church we are an independent worshipping congregation.  Personally, I have a mentor and spiritual Father, who resides and pastors out of Chicago, IL. 

Edge: What is a radically inclusive church? What does that mean?

Pastor Elliot: A radically inclusive church would draw its philosophy from the thought of broadening the circle that covers us presently as Christians.  This is to encompass more than who we deem as the accepted individuals that are present in the church.  However, we at our church actually prefer the term INTENTIONALLY INCLUSIVE. Now what that means to us is, The Shepherd’s Table Covenant Church’s goal is to create a place where all people may feel free to worship, serve, and grow spiritually – without regard to race, ethnicity, social class, age, gender or affectional orientation. We actually seek to create a safe-sacred space for all people to flourish – persons in recovery, the recently incarcerated, the economically disenfranchised, and persons infected and affected by HIV/AIDS and their allies. We seek to proclaim the same message proclaimed on the day of Pentecost;    And it shall come to pass, that whosoever shall call on the name of the Lord [Jesus] shall be saved. Acts 2:21KJV and that God continues to pour out God’s spirit upon all people.

Edge: Do you feel that part of the reason you started the church was to feel accepted or because of church hurt?

Pastor Elliot: Wow! You would not believe how many people have asked that question or have had that thought in the back of their minds.  Without reservation, this was not the reason for our church’s birth.  On October 19, 2008 The Shepherd’s Table Covenant Church officially opened its doors.  “Putting truth back into ministry” was the clarion call of the Lord that compelled us to move for into what God had been calling for us to do from our youth. It is my personal belief that God strategically positions individuals to hear and answer the call that goes out over the earth to become the living Gospel of The Lord Jesus Christ.  As those of us who answer God’s call become the living, tangible expressions of God’s Grace and Love, the scripture is fulfilled when Jesus says “And when I am lifted up from the earth, I will draw EVERYONE to myself.” John 12:32.  Truth of the matter is we’re merely doing what God called us and so many others to do many centuries ago.

Now as for being accepted… In the 21^st century “acceptance” in church and with or by church folk means so many different things to so many different individuals.   Allow me to say this, as we look at the world around us, we can see that there are ills in every community; political unrest, socioeconomic devastation, war, famine and disease.  With all this, there are those in the “church world” who still stands on the side lines debating “what is clean and what is unclean?” and “who are the rejected and who are the accepted?”  Today, God has not called for a debate but rather God has summonsed this generation of believers to build bridges, to make up the hedge and to prepare the place where God’s love can be shown to all people. 

 Edge: You grew up COGIC and being that I did too, I know that these beliefs are completely different and most would not accept this view, how do you grapple with that tension.

Pastor Elliot: Actually, at the foundation of my faith there is nothing that is different about the beliefs that I embraced as a child growing up in The Church of God In Christ.  Now what I would say is that through life’s journey and a personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ my faith has been afforded the opportunity to grow and develop. Through this growth and my relationship with the Father, I can say that I understand more and have experienced more of the extravagant grace of God. You know that stuff we from the old school would call Amazing Grace.  The Hymnologist really did have it right when he said, “it saved a wretch like me…” So to speak of grappling, I would rather call that period of my life growing pains.  This was a direct result of my own disbelief that God loved me and wanted me… So much that before I was even conscience of this fundamental truth, Christ died for me and then said that I was accepted in the beloved.

Edge: Did you change your mind or did you always disagree with the church in regards to homosexuality being a sin?

Pastor Elliot: My position is the result of my growth and evolution along my spiritual journey. Having had the opportunity to study academically as well as in church settings, this has allowed me to view the subject matter at hand through different lenses.  So with that I think a better question is why has the church chosen to marginalize individuals that are homosexual?

Edge: Can we both agree that the word is very clear that marriage is between a woman and a man? Does your church believe in same-sex marriage?

Pastor Elliot: We can both agree that there are no same-sex marriages that appear in our canonized text of scripture.  However, this lack of depiction, doesn’t inherently mean that such is sinful or against God.  Also, this does not mean that at lack of its appearance in scripture, indicates the lack of value and worth. Our understanding of marriage has taken many forms and been the subject of much debate throughout our religious and social history: for instance a union between one man and one woman as husband and wife is a monogamous heterosexual marriage; polygamy – in which a person takes more than one spouse – which includes, polygamy in which a man takes more than one wife, and polyandry in which a woman takes more than one husband have been common in some societies. There has also been debate surrounding the age of consent to marry and regarding marriage in the United States, marriage between different ethnic groups.

Loving v. Virginia, 388 U.S. 1 (1967), was a landmark civil rights case in which the United States Supreme Court declared Virginia‘s anti-miscegenation statute, the “Racial Integrity Act of 1924“, unconstitutional, thereby overturning Pace v. Alabama (1883) and ending all race-based legal restrictions on marriage in the United States.

Pastor Elliot: Recently, some jurisdictions and denominations have begun to recognize same-sex marriage, uniting people of the same sex. We at the Shepherd’s Table Covenant Church believe that our God is absolute love.  Therefore we do honor, affirm and celebrate the covenants that are between individual of the same gender, because one of the most significant ways to demonstrate ones love for another person is to enter into covenant/marriage with that individual. So why should this expression of love be afforded to some and withheld from others solely based on their affectional orientation?

Edge: What do you want the readers to know about this type of church? What do they have incorrect perceptions about?

Pastor Elliot: Well, what I would like your readers to know about US at the Shepherd’s Table Covenant Church is that we are a church for all people.  We’re a Christian body of baptized believers. We believe whole-heartedly in the redemptive work of Jesus Christ on Calvary’s Cross and through this work, salvation is available for all humankind. Our church fully embraces the Pentecostal experience and the operation of spiritual gifts as a part of the life of every believer. We are a socially conscience church, and believe that the call of humankind is to not only serve the Lord in spirit and truth but we further believe that we are called, commissioned and committed to serve the whole humanity, showing the intentionally inclusive love of God through Jesus Christ. In this we recognize that our distinction in the Kingdom is to minister to the whole person; body, soul and spirit.

Edge: Your church is relatively new, what do you believe are key elements for longevity?

Pastor Elliot: The one key element to the longevity of our church is Christ as our foundation.

Edge: Can you respect others who assert their belief that homosexuality is a sin and not God’s plan even though you don’t agree?

Pastor Elliot: Just as there are denominations that differ fundamentally in their views regarding baptism, speaking in tongues, the ordination of women and the participation in Holy Communion, I feel that there is still a place at the table of the Lord for everyone that names the name of Christ.  Therefore we can ultimately agree to disagree.

Edge: What kind of response have you received from local pastors in starting a church that embraces homosexuality?

Pastor Elliot: Actually that’s kind of funny…  I think that people fail to remember that being Intentionally Inclusive as a church (as we are) means more than just the fact that we accept, embrace and affirm individuals that are same gender loving.  Honestly, the presence of gay and lesbian people has always been in church.  Hiding? Yes. In the Closet? Yes.  Afraid of the ostracizing of the preacher, who often times didn’t mind their presence as long as they were on the organ or piano or in the choir or stayed in their place. The truth of this matter is a much larger conversation is to be had that surrounds the acceptance of this one marginalize group.  The conversation to be had is why are they not embraced everywhere? However, the church as a whole would rather continue to live out a lie in from of her parishioners. Making the church of the Lord Jesus Christ an elitist’s social club having privileges for its members and rights of passage for it’s faithful seekers. This is not the will of God! Now, some of the pastors that I run into locally, either at churches or musical programs or most recently at the local Christian bookstores, who have visited our website (in secret) or who may know me from other churches that I may have served at here in the Atlanta Metro area, there’s simply a myriad of responses.  Some never mention that they have questions.  I welcome intelligent forums and scholarly discourse.  While others say how proud of me they are for stepping out and doing the work of the Lord. Then immediately follow up with “Doc I don’t think I could ever be that brave and do what you’ve done.”  One local pastor had gone so far as to say that everyone is welcomed at his church (this was my first problem) but they can’t bring their **expletive** with them… I’m sure you can fill in the blank… This was problem 2,3,4,5 and 6! Now on the other hand I have reached out to several individuals including my former bishop and pastor for guidance seeing that I had served there and felt that he would be a father of sorts even if we didn’t agree on everything.  I felt his fathering and mentoring would be advantageous for us as a new church. Unfortunately, there has been no response or reply from his office nor from him personally. So with this we forge forward, ever listening to the voice of God and looking for the opportunity to minister Christ to everyone.… 

*Edge will note there were a few questions asked that Pastor Elliot did not answer thinking they would be a point of “contention”. The following questions were asked. Do you believe homosexuality is a sin? Do you have any Biblical references for your belief? How would you interpret Romans 1:20-32?

 

“Why can’t we all just get along”?

This is the question that Rodney King asked but I will use it to start of this posting. Now blogging is a wonderful way to communicate ideas, debate, raise awareness of issues etc. But I can’t understand why people have yet to learn to  disagree without being ignorant or lashing out in anger. Really is it called for to call people out their names or insult them because they have different views than you. What does that say about your character? I read stuff I don’t agree with and it does not minimize my belief. I may even comment and say I don’t agree and give my perspective. But if you are responding in ignorance, hatred and poor sportsmanship your message is null and void. Part of the art of communication is being respectful and knowing how to disagree in a productive fashion. When will people learn to just get along and realize you don’t have to agree with everything someone says to get along?

Balancing Act

I feel overwhelmed this semester with school, work and managing this on-line magazine I started. Then you have to add in time with my nephew who is really my son and family. I can’t imagine being married and having a husband to add to the mix right now. I would be a evil little thing I’m sure. How can you successfully balance all your different obligations and roles? I mean something will go lacking, there is not enough time in the day to give everything 100 percent. I look toward the finish line at school, this last year is kicking my butt, I’m trying to figure out what my schedule will look like when my practicum starts. Hhowever  I must say that during this time in my life God is blessing me and opening doors. With all the news and reports of recession and lack, God is filling my barn and positioning me for the work he would have me to do. So I have to persevere during this time, run the race….etc. As Donald Lawrence recorded…I’m encouraging myself. Hal-leu-uj-ah…..

Oh yea of little faith

Okay why is it that yesterday hall meeting had to be a sham or staged? Why are some people so ignorant to think just because Henrietta Hughes is homeless she has to look bangled or unkempt? The comments I’ve seen on blogs are so ridiculous. I don’t understand why some people just can’t believe a homeless woman could get entrance into a hall meeting. If I’m not mistaken everyday people are on the brink of homelessness. It wasn’t to good to be true when there is a God. He can pull off anything. I think anybody who watched or read about Henrietta Hughes should have been touched with compassion because for the grace of God, it’s not us. Just be happy for her and stop being such a freaking cynic, it’s a ridiculous world we live in sometimes. Americana’s can be some real butt-holes.

Do you remember your first kiss?

After watching a friends daughter last evening, I turned on the TV today and since it was still on Disney or was it the family channel? I’m not sure but anyhow, there was an episode of “That’s so Raven”  on where her younger brother had anxiety about kissing this girl for the first time.  Then I thought about the innocence of the moment and the realtity of today. Really, young people have much more pressure than just a first kiss.

My first kiss I remember as clear as the day. It was in church. Yes, in church and the real truth is I only experienced my first kiss in church but there were some older girls in the church doing some other unimaginable things.  So God-forbid what may be going on with young people these days. That was over 20 years ago. Okay, let me go back to my kissing story. My “boyfriend” was the assistant pastor’s son. Now our relationship basically consisted of writing letters to each other in church. So he started to talk about kissing in the letters and one day while someone watched out, we kissed on the steps leading to sanctuary. It was the nastiest thing ever, he put his tongue in my mouth, ughhhh.  Needless to say I wasn’t in a hurry to experiment any further. I think my next kiss was a couple years later. lol

Now although my first kiss wasn’t this romantic great kiss memory,  it is a memory of innocence and my first feelings of sexuality. Nowadays  kids are not having anxiety or thinking that there first kiss is a big deal. This generation of children and teens are exposed to so much sexuality and having to deal with stuff I didn’t deal with until I was older. Teenage girls are now performing oral sex on boys like it’s kissing. No big deal, “we are not having intercourse” is what they think. They are so young they are not able to understand that oral sex is indeed sex.

How can we keep our kids innocence in a society where they see and learn so many things in the school, media and even sometimes in the family? This is one of the reasons I have devoted work and time to providing services to youth. I want them to appreciate and enjoy youth and innocence and not have memories that may haunt them as adults.

Do you remember your first kiss?

I’m really hating McDonalds

Okay it comes a point in your life where you  never want to eat McDonald’s again and I think I’m at that point. See the dilemma is on those days I can’t cook or have time to make lunch (my employer only gives us 30 minutes) I have to search for a fast and close restaurant and for me that’s McDonald’s. There is also a Burger King in same vicinity but I’ve never liked Burger King. But besides the obvious reasons of just being tired of McDonald’s menu, the one in my area is not the greatest with customer service.I saw a rat run from the building one evening.  Now, I kinda get nauseous thinking about McDonald’s and to make matters worst the times I may stop only to get a dessert, they are always out of ice cream. How about the machine has been downs for months and I decided to try again for just a sundae a couple weeks ago and they said it won’t be working until April. Now, come on what kind of  McDonald’s is that? Truth be told I’m tired of all fast food period. Now I like Zaxby’s but you have to drive far because I guess they are bougie and they are too expensive. I guess this is a reason to just make my meals and prepare lunch the night before.

Etta James

Some of the music today dont touch your soul like this. But before you enjoy I just have to say that Etta may be having difficulty dealing with her old age or feeling like she didn’t get her due. While “At Last” was her signature song, she didnt write or was the first to perform it. I’m disappointed that older singer’s sometimes don’t embrace and hate on this generation of singers. I don’t care if you like Beyonce singing or not; the fact is she is one this generation’s best performers. So, Etta should be much wiser but I guess  getting older don’t automatically mean having more wisdom.

Enjoy,
T.Sharee

more about “Etta James “, posted with vodpod

 

 

 

 

 

Honor thy father and mother

As I reflect today on my dad’s 81 birthday, I am grateful and honored to have a father like mine. Last year this time he was recuperating from a triple bypass and to make complications worst he already had one leg amputated for his diabetes years ago. Needless to say I was nervous and wasn’t sure he would make it. But by the grace of God and my dad’s resilience he is here another year and doing quite well.

I have to be honest I didn’t always honor my father, I didn’t really get along with him as a child and I went through a period in college were I blamed my mom and him for somethings in my life. But as you get older and wiser you realize how a blessing your parents are.

My dad is the coolest person. He didn’t make as much money as my mom but he worked, paid all house bill, cooked meals for his kids everyday. By the way he is the best cook in the world! He helped his children get dressed and took them to school and protected his children. How many black girls can say that had a great dad like that. My dad told me I was beautiful and that’s probably the reason I don’t settle or try to get affirmation from people who don’t have my best interest in mind.

As I think back on some of the other great things my dad did like serve his country. My dad is the greatest and MY HERO. I am strong black women because of  him and my mom. He has set the bar and I can only be a better person for having him in my life. Happy Birthday, daddy.

Jennifer Hudson’s first performance since tradegy

Okay, I must say that Jennifer’s Hudson comeback, or can we say her first appearance since the brutal killing of her mother, brother and nephew was phenomenal. Her performance was awesome and I actually had a tear in my eye while she was singing. Okay now that’s how you suppose to sing! Maybe she should have agreed to sing at the inauguration because we missed that great heartfelt song that makes us have goose bumps. However, I can complain just electing the first black president was all the emotion one could handle that day. Good job Jennifer.